holy ice breath, batman!

so there i was, some forty thousand feet above the ground, looking out the half inch of glass (followed by an inch or so of nothing) followed by a quarter inch of plastic that separated me from the beautiful oblivion

i noticed the frost that had formed on the edges of the plastic portion of the window (the plastic being what you can touch, the glass is actually on the outside of the aeroplane)

the little map program on the little television screen in front of me said that the temperature outside was -63 degrees celsius — almost as bad as toronto on a good winter day

then i thought to myself, when superman (in the movie, of course) took lois lane for a joyride through the sky, didn’t she freeze her ass off?

there they were, whooshing through the clouds god knows how high up with the spectacular john williams music playing in the background, and she was dressed just in this nightgown (why was she going to interview superman dressed in just a nightgo– oh… nevermind) and she didn’t just freeze to death?

i can understand superman not freezing to death, because he’s superman — but lois lane is not superman, she should’ve frozen to death

it’s not like lois lane was particularly hot or anything … hahaha, get it? hot? ha… okay…

speaking of superheroes, you know one thing they never do is become junkies
when was the last time a well known superhero was on drugs? you don’t see spider-man crashing under the pressure and doing crack with a white streak between the massive eyes, you don’t see batman and robin sitting back passing a dutchie on the left hand side, drugs don’t even have an effect on superman (who, as we discussed earlier, is nevertheless a crackhead for taking a normal human woman thousands of feet into the sky where she would, in the real world anyway, freeze to death within minutes)

there was that one time the green arrow’s sidekick, what was his name? speedo? he was on crack
but with a name like that i don’t blame him

besides, why didn’t the green lantern do anything about it, with his green lantern ring

speaking of the green lantern, i’ve seen some t-shirts with the green lantern logo on them
i want to get one of those t-shirts

hey, at least it’s not like those blue t-shirts with the superman logo on them

EDIT: the green arrow’s sidekick’s name was speedy — just as … uh … bad

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27 Responses so far

  1. 1

    Abez said,

    May 21, 2004 @ 4:55 pm

    Here’s a question, where did Superman keep all those suits he was always changing out of? Did he leave them in the phonebooth or what?

  2. 2

    slime said,

    May 22, 2004 @ 10:07 am

    superheroes work for the CIA. they keep the drug trade alive. the drugs are FLOWN into the country.

  3. 3

    Bushra said,

    May 22, 2004 @ 2:10 pm

    hey hey HEY! I happen to have one of those blue T-shits with the Superman logo on it!

    Abez: He used his special eye rays to shrink the suit, and then stuffed it in his pocket and gave it to his laundryman when he went home.

  4. 4

    Bushra said,

    May 22, 2004 @ 2:12 pm

    shirts*, sorry

  5. 5

    nomes said,

    May 22, 2004 @ 5:20 pm

    hahaha… i am not editing that typo…

  6. 6

    Abez said,

    May 25, 2004 @ 8:14 am

    Lolz…his special X-ray vision wouldn’t shrink the err…shirts. They’d burn up! So maybe he was just always buying new shirts?

  7. 7

    Bushra said,

    May 25, 2004 @ 8:43 am

    Not funny.. edit it! And Abez, his eye rays perform a lot of tasks, including not just intense heat transmission, but seeing through walls (not lead, thats one thing he cant do). Maybe shrinking is included. Or maybe he just leaves his shirts for the homeless and buys new ones. Not that journalists make that much money, but you know.

    I saw this comic once where Lois is all annoyed because her new hairdos keep getting messed up during flights. “Why can’t we ever take taxi’s like normal people?” Hehe…
    I still stand by my blue shirt though.

  8. 8

    Burhan said,

    May 26, 2004 @ 2:44 am

    Smallville… it’s all about smallville.

  9. 9

    Bushra said,

    May 26, 2004 @ 8:58 am

    I cannot stand Smallville. It totally KILLS the Superman story and characters.

    I like Superman. Whats so great about that guy in a Spiderman suit anyway?

  10. 10

    Faiza said,

    May 26, 2004 @ 7:35 pm

    What’s so great about him? He’s your friendly neighbourhood superhero, that’s what!

    I have a question about the Smallville story. Is that Lana Lang character supposed to be Lois Lane?

    God, the Superman story sucks.

  11. 11

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 28, 2004 @ 2:08 am

    I hate smallville and i also hate this fucking dick, Noaman Ali. Next time i see you at UofT i’m going to break your nose. You were the biggest fag in the chem138 tutorial. What the fuck did you get in that course? did you even pass?

  12. 12

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 28, 2004 @ 2:10 am

    I just feel like ripping off your goatie

  13. 13

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 28, 2004 @ 2:13 am

    I’ll use a dagger
    and stab you in the bladder
    without a stammer

    look you straight in the eye
    and watch you die in your own piss

  14. 14

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 28, 2004 @ 2:15 am

    imma rip open your stomach and use your own hydrochloric acid to melt your disgusting face

  15. 15

    nomes said,

    May 28, 2004 @ 5:18 pm

    yeesh, talk about fan club

  16. 16

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 1:18 pm

    You don’t know how much you piss me off, with your faggy comments, fueck!! You don’t want to piss me off again. Trust me. Or else i’ll be slitting your throat in front of your mom, your dad, and any other family members of yours!!

  17. 17

    _|_ fuck you said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 6:11 pm

    fuck you

  18. 18

    UofTWarrior said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 6:15 pm

    i’m gonna break your scrawny little carcus in two

    you little attention whore

  19. 19

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 7:16 pm

    inject Noaman`s little fucking brain with a needle full of novocaine
    wait till it’s numb then i’ll beat Noaman`s skull with an old dame’s kane
    don’t worry Noaman, you won’t feel the pain
    but when I

  20. 20

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 7:17 pm

    Listen Noaman Ali, after i`m through with you, even a horny dog wouldn`t do you during breeding season.
    Stay away from Sidney Smith, Robarts, and New College library, I

  21. 21

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 8:03 pm

    Ali, Ghulam
    3 Mossbank Dr
    Scarborough, ON
    M1G 2B7
    (416) 431-4040


    It’s so easy to find anything about you
    You’re name is plagued all over the internet

  22. 22

    Faiza said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 8:04 pm

    Whoa, gory much?

    “I’ll use a dagger
    and stab you in the bladder
    without a stammer

    look you straight in the eye
    and watch you die in your own piss”

    Ummm… well, obviously you weren’t freestylin’ if you posted that same ‘verse’ the day before.

    Anyhooooo, violence is never the answer, children. =)

  23. 23

    Farhan said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 9:33 pm

    guy who hates ali, you obviously have some issues, why do you hate Nomes so much? Leave him alone, I don’t know Nomes, but i dont’ think he did anything that bad. it’s just funny reading your comments, besides i was just browsing for some islamic literature and found this disturbing site. Anyways, here’s an interesting islamic site you should check out: http://www.dubaibuzz.com/news.php, it has lectures and stuff. The Halaqah media stuff is really interesting you should look it over!!

  24. 24

    mariam said,

    May 29, 2004 @ 11:43 pm

    guy who hates Ali: you are sick

  25. 25

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 30, 2004 @ 12:55 am

    I’m not the sick one, it’s you for being around the guy!! I can’t believe you haven’t kicked him in the balls yet, someone that annoying should be shot!!

  26. 26

    nomes said,

    May 30, 2004 @ 1:56 am

    dude, if that’s your attempt at rap — it sucks

    try again

  27. 27

    guy who hates Ali said,

    May 31, 2004 @ 12:33 am

    i’m sorry, i’m glad i have the expert opinion of a guy who listens to 98 degrees.
    Just Laugh it up right now bitch, while you still have the ability to, just wait till if fucking drag your carcass 12 miles on ashphault with my car, we’ll see who’s laughing then

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